In the previous post, moving beyond the small self involves true refuge: a ‘safe place’ to heal old wounds.  If healing is as simple as finding a safe place, then you may be wondering why it is so difficult to detach from small self.  The reason is humans are creatures of habit, and habits that involve false refuge keep us locked in small self.

False refuge are the result of subconscious reactions, those fight or flight tendencies that move us through sticky situations without addressing underlying problems.  Some common examples include emotional eating, impulse shopping, overworking and giving beyond your wellness.  Bring awareness to false refuges that keep small self alive.  Focus on finding true refuge by practicing mindfulness in the moment.  Stop and focus on your breath and bodily sensations.  As calm returns, wait for insights to guide your way.

Making the transition from small self to wholeness is a unique process for each of us.  Healing fragmented parts of ourself, fuelled by inadequacies and perceptions of lack in life requires an open mind and commitment to positive change.  It is probably the hardest work you will ever do but it is indeed doable and the benefits are profound, not to mention long-lasting.  The key to reaching wholeness is finding true refuge.

True refuge involves a safe place for revealing your vulnerabilities.  It may take on the form of a person or spirit such as a special grandmother, alive or deceased.  It may be a church leader, dear friend, guardian angel or even the most tender and compassionate part of yourself.  Any of these may offer a safe place for revealing your path back to wholeness.

The small self arises when self-doubt creeps in.  Everyone who has experienced hurt in the past has a small self.  Maybe you were judged or treated poorly by another person.  Maybe you did not meet their expectations and felt a deep sense of inadequacy within you.  The small self is kept alive when we allow those criticisms and harmful actions to define us.

Break free from small self and negative thought patterns by practicing mindfulness.  Awareness of negative thoughts and self-defeating patterns is the first step.  The next involves meeting yourself with kindness and compassion.  Remember that positive change only happens when we are willing to step out of where we are and open up to a new way of being.

There comes a point in life when the question “Who am I?” arises.  This is one of those big questions that is seldom answered easily.  Mindfulness practice teaches us that we are much more than we think.

You are more than your thoughts.  You are more than your feelings and physical body.  You are more than the roles you assume, the activities you excel and the habits you regularly engage.  You are even more than any diagnosis or label ever created.

You are a spiritual being.  Your essence shines through when you are aligned with your authentic nature.  Authenticity is derived from your most natural tendencies.   This is not to be confused with social conditioning or cultural influences.  These external forces merely reflect their origins and not your true self.  Bring awareness to the essence of you, a whole and perfect being with a capacity for greatness that only you are capable of.  You are uniquely special person with untold talents and gifts awaiting your discovery!

Life can feel fragmented when we separate our experiences.  Different activities, groups  and various responsibilities may contribute to a sense of disconnect in our lives.  Bring continuity to your one great life by viewing yourself as a fluid and flexible being at the center of all your experiences.

Bring awareness to transitions between variables.  Those moments in between are just as much a part of your life as the activities themselves.  Every moment of your one great life has value and is worthy of attention.  Pause during transitions to breathe a sigh of gratitude.  Practice centering yourself regularly throughout the day to stay connected.

Life is a stream of activities.  We go from school to career to retirement.  We shower, we go to work, we exercise, cook, clean and run errands.  At the end of the day, we recount our accomplishments, mark things off of our eternal to-do list and assess our degree of productivity.  On days where seemingly little is accomplished, we may feel disappointed and vow to work harder the next day.

If you find yourself in this endless loop of doing and judging, stop and ask yourself if there is a better approach to life.  Endless doing leads to exhaustion and constant judging leads to disappointment.  Rest in what is and accept the ebb and flow of life.

Accept that some days are more productive than others and that days of low productivity naturally offset busy productive days.  See each day as perfectly unfolding the story of your life, knowing you did the best you could.  End judgement with self-compassion and gratitude for all you have in life.  Inner peace awaits when you step out of the endless loop of doing and judging.

Living gracefully is an art anyone can cultivate.  Whether your day is cloudy or bright, challenging or light, bring personal integrity to each and every moment.  Aim for attention over distraction, presence over absence, and personal excellence over perfectionism.

For example, when meeting another person, whether it be for the first time or one hundredth time, aim to be attentive, upbeat, and punctual.  Bring your full attention to the present moment.  Turn off electronic devices beforehand and commit to quality  time for both yourself and the other person.  Be aware of any labels or judgements about yourself or others.  Let them go and find the quiet inner side of yourself that is a neutral and compassionate observer.  Make presence a habit in life and grace will be your natural companion.

Beliefs are powerful.  If you believe something is true or possible, it will likely be your reality.  Similar to the placebo effect where pill-like candies remedy problems, insights may well be the perfect solution to problems and any discomforts you feel.

For example, if you are faced with a difficult decision, remove yourself from stressors and allow yourself adequate downtime and relaxation for insights to arise.  Follow through with those that you strongly attracted to and repeatedly arise.  If you regularly experience tension headaches, bring awareness to the number of breaks you allow yourself, water you consume and dehydrating food sources.  A change in habits including regular scheduled breaks may be all that you really need.  Breaks can be as simple as closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths and allowing your mind to relax for a few minutes.

Mindfulness brings awareness to the big picture.  If you are in the habit of reaching for quick fixes from the medicine cabinet or the local coffee shop, pause for a moment and shift to a different way of being.  Explore holistic alternatives with long-term benefits.  Honor yourself and your life with your own natural abilities to heal.

Mindfulness is like tuning into your own radio station.  The frequencies you connect to are those from your mind, body and heart.  Messages from your mind convey wisdom and insight, from your body, stress and muscle tension, and from your heart, sadness or delight.  Tune into yourself throughout the day to connect with your inner knowing.

For instance, some tasks can be all-consuming especially when there is a rigid timeline involved.  We may become so focused on getting the job done that we lose awareness of tension building within.  There might be dull pain, cramping or increasing stress signals.  Bring awareness to these sensations and you will be more apt to respond in a timely way before problems escalate.

Exercise:  Try pausing throughout your day to tune into your mind, body, and heart.  Stop what you are doing and ask yourself , “What am I noticing in this moment?” and “What is going on for me right now?”  Perhaps you need to consider a different perspective or approach, or take a break.  Make time to pause regularly throughout your day and check in with yourself.  Enhanced quality of life comes naturally and easily when your are consistently tuned in.

Honour all parts of your experience.  Honour the enjoyable and the not so enjoyable parts, the challenging and the easy.  Let go of elevating certain aspects while rejecting others.  See value in every part of your experience.

For example, with meals, do you find yourself saying, “I love home cooked meals but dislike all the preparation involved” or “I like having a variety of fresh produce in my home but really dislike grocery shopping”.  Remind yourself that mundane activities are just as important as stimulating ones.  Honour the entire experience and you will find yourself experiencing more inner peace and contentment throughout life.