Relationships have a life of their own.  Relationships are cyclical and never static, with times of ease and times of struggle, times of closeness and distance, times of growth and repose.  Some relationships last a few days, weeks, months or years while others last our entire lifetime. The practice of mindfulness brings awareness to the quality of all of our relationships as we grow through life.

Mindfulness allows us to be present and cultivate life enhancing relationships. Perhaps some relationships require serious conversations to evolve them while some are long past their ‘best before date’. Respect the life of relationships. Honour yourself and others with intentions of highest good. Have the courage to end those relationships where life enhancing energy no longer exists.

The benefits of practicing mindfulness in relationships are immense.  Mindfulness allows you to steer through difficult situations with integrity and dignity.  It helps you to become more aware of your feelings, thoughts, behaviours and important details of the situation.  As you expand your awareness to include the big picture, you open yourself to other perspectives and even empathy for the other person.  Above all, mindfulness empowers you with an open mind for inner peace and harmony with those relationships most important to you!

Assertiveness is a valuable skill that is worth its’ weight in gold!  Being mindful when asserting yourself means knowing how you feel and having the ability to communicate your feelings to the other person, tactfully and respectfully.  Practice saying what you need to say with the intention of maintaining harmony or negotiating a compromise.  Focus on win-win outcomes.

Use ‘I-statements’ without the need to defend or confront the other person.  For example, “I feel sad when you talk to me in that tone”.  You do not need to explain yourself unless you choose to do so.  Simply let the other person know how you were affected by their words and actions.

The practice of asserting yourself goes far beyond setting limits.  Assertiveness involves awareness of your feelings, speech, tones, and actions.  It involves your ability to truly know yourself and assess situations to respond consciously.  With awareness of your true feelings and unconditionally accepting them, you can then move beyond limiting habits that impede personal growth.  Remind yourself that feelings are okay and they are merely energy moving through you.  They are neither good or bad.  Be mindful of when you fall back into the habit of discounting or obsessing in them.  This is your turning point!

Relationships are tricky and sometimes sticky!  Think of a situation where you and another person were not in agreement.  Bring mindful awareness to your patterns of communication with this person.  Jot down the following:

• what happened prior to the disagreement
• what you most wanted from the other person
• what the other person most likely wanted from you
• your feelings at the moment of disagreement
• your level of awareness regarding what was really happening
• the outcome

Be as honest and objective as possible.  Refrain from judging yourself or the other person.  You may want to shred or trash the paper after you have processed the experience.   Once you have acknowledged and accepted your emotions, ask yourself what you could have done differently to contribute to a more harmonious outcome.

If it involves setting limits, give yourself permission to do so.  Allow yourself to take care of yourself and honour your personal wellness.  If it involves embracing greater patience and a more open mind, commit to practicing loving-kindness meditation every day.  Repeating phrases such as “May I be peaceful.  May I be happy” and “May you be peaceful.  May you be happy” offers immense healing powers and builds your capacity for unconditional love and acceptance.  For more information on loving-kindness meditations, Mary Brantley and Tesilya Hanauer have written a wonderfully inspiring book titled “The Gift of Loving-Kindness”.

Relationships offer some of the greatest lessons in life.  Whether they are voluntary or involuntary, professional or personal, relationships can be immensely rewarding and extremely challenging.  For those times of great challenge, mindfulness is paramount for dealing effectively with relationship stress and achieving harmony.  Mindfulness allows you to develop greater awareness of your patterns of communication, identify problematic thoughts, and respond consciously and respectfully for mutual benefits.  In the next few posts, there will be several tips for applying mindfulness to relationship challenges.

Tears are healthy.  Tears are a healing.  They help us to release dark emotions from within.  Our body holds hurt until it is released.  How can you release tears from past hurts when you do not feel the urge to cry or if the hurt has been suppressed for so long that you cannot access the hurt buried deep within?

There are several ways in which you can release the hurt.  These include body therapies such as reiki, massage therapy, kundalini yoga, and physical exercise you enjoy.  Other sources include music, movies, and stories with words and images that resonate with your heart.  Explore a variety of ways to find out which method will provide the cathartic release you need.   The most important thing to remember is to continue engaging in life and not to withdraw.  Life is for living and emotions are the essence of being human.  Honour all of your emotions, dark and light, and honour your one great life.

Processing emotions in a healthy way involves adaptive strategies that support long-term wellness.  Along with physical exercise and enlisting a confidant, meditation and  journaling are two other effective strategies proven to heal emotions.

Journaling may involve both writing and drawing.  Creative journaling is a highly effective process that allows insights to be revealed through images.  Enter the sphere of infinite possibilities and potential when you access this right brain approach to wellness.  Try using your non-dominant hand for a change and see what comes up!

Emotional expression is vital for long-term wellness.  As stated in previous posts, suppressed emotions run the risk of developing into harmful physical symptoms.  The key is to allow your emotions to flow freely through without getting stuck on them for too long.  Processing dark emotions in a healthy way is a skill anyone can develop and mindfulness is the way.

Once we acknowledge our emotion and say “I am sad”, I am angry”, “I am confused”, we can then mindfully choose a healthy adaptive response and break old maladaptive habits at the same time.  Quite naturally, excessive television, eating or drinking and impulse shopping fade away as they are replaced by presence in the moment.  Focusing on breath and what serves you best, you may decide that time out in a nurturing environment is the best choice for you, alone or with a supportive person.  This is the turning point to enhanced quality of life.

Repressed emotions live in us like an unhealed wound.  Science confirms that blocked emotions affect us on the cellular level.  Stem cell biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton reveals evidence of the interconnected nature between thoughts and physical sensations in his widely acclaimed book, “The Biology of Belief”.  Muscle tension, insomnia, and skin rashes are just a few of the many symptoms of unresolved hurts.

The first step to healing repressed emotions is acknowledging them. Accept them the moment they arise.  If you feel angry, allow yourself to feel the anger without denying its presence or downplaying the significance of it.  Saying things like, “I shouldn’t feel this way” only discredits your experience.  Honour your emotion and your experience, then express it and release it in a healthy way.  There are many options for processing emotions that will be discussed in upcoming posts.