Wholeness is a process.  Continuing from the scenario described in the last post with the example of anger arising within, healing may also include a conversation with the person who triggered the hurt.  When the time is right and you feel ready to address the situation, you may decide to say something like: “When we last spoke, I found your tone and choice of words condescending.  I feel hurt and rejected.  Would you be willing to try to be more tactful in future conversations?”  By giving yourself a voice and honoring your truth, you free yourself to step out from the shadow of hurt and move into healing light.

If speaking directly to the other person is not an option for whatever reason, then you may choose to write a letter without sending it, or journal your experience through stream of conscious writing.  In both cases, it may be necessary to ensure these papers are properly disposed of without risking future harm.  These are powerful tools for safely expressing yourself in an open and honest way while releasing pent-up emotions.  When you honour your truths, you step onto the path to wholeness.

The path to wholeness is a journey of reconnection.  We must reconnect with disowned and suppressed parts of ourselves, including our shadow self.  These are parts that have been hurt and hold painful emotions.  We must allow the pain to surface, hear its message and respond to it in a healthy way.

For instance if anger arises when another person speaks to you in a condescending tone, recognize your hurt and honour the pain triggered within you.  See this as an opportunity to consciously free yourself.  In this moment of mindful awareness, you may choose to remove yourself to process your hurt.  You may decide to focus on your breath and calm yourself before doing anything else.  As your thoughts and body sensations settle, you may be drawn to emotional release through crying, reaching out to a support person, taking time for self-care.  This is essential for releasing pain stored within and freeing yourself on the path to wholeness.

Mindfulness is key to achieving wholeness.  The path to wholeness involves loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, including those we may have disowned or suppressed.  Many of us have disowned parts of ourselves due to early conditioning.  Parents, teachers and culture shaped us in profound ways, altering our image of our true selves.

For instance, if you were taught to always be strong and never show your vulnerability, you may feel inadequate and frequently experience self-doubt.  In reality, there is nothing wrong with you.  Mindfulness shines the light on discrepancies such as this and reveals truths about your whole authentic self.

Open yourself to listening fully and a graceful merging occurs.  You and I become ‘we’ and ‘us’.  Conversations take on a friendly and harmonious tone.  Bonds are strengthened, trust is built, and peace prevails.

Connecting with others at a higher level reminds us of our similarities, despite outward differences.  With common ground, we stand united.  There is no separation or judgement, only unconditional love, compassion and acceptance for one another.  Open your mind to other perspectives. Let go of old habits, needing to be right or to express your point of view.  Walk gracefully in life and listen with all of your heart.

“Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you.” – Alan Alda

Mindful listening is key to building good relationships with others.  Listening within is equally important when it comes to building a good relationship with yourself.  This may sound odd but it is vital to your self-confidence, self-esteem and creative problem solving abilities.  Tune in regularly to your higher self and listen for important messages within.

Connect with your higher self through meditation.  Begin by calming your active mind and focusing your attention on breath.  Allow the chatter within to settle naturally.  Once your mind is still, your higher self can be heard.  This may come in the form of a thought, sensation or image.  In that moment, consider the one best thing you can do for yourself.  For instance, if you are stuck in indecision and your higher self reveals the need for a break, you may decide to stop what you are doing and go outside for a walk.  Listening within makes all the difference between living and living well!  Make 2015 the year of living well … with an exclamation mark!

Mindful listening involves a high level of awareness. Once you are grounded and attending to the speaker, hold awareness of your internal experiences without losing connection to the other person.  Your internal experiences include your body sensations, emotions, and thoughts.  Pay particular attention to when your mind begins to wander or you feel the urge to interject your thoughts or ideas.  Simply observe what you are experiencing and maintain attention to the act of listening.

Once the speaker has stopped, this is your opportunity to deepen your listening by providing your interpretation of what you heard.  Paraphrasing is an effective tool for this as it precludes personal biases and beliefs.  Using your own words, repeat what you heard and saw.  Take into consideration any non-verbal cues, facial expressions and tones you picked up on.  Attempting to understand another is the key to rapport building and one of the greatest gifts we can give.

Mindful listening begins with grounding yourself.  Take a few moments to focus on your breath and allow your mind to transition to receiving new information.  Quietly set an intention for yourself to simply listen without commenting, problem solving, or interrupting.  If possible, indicate your attention by using eye contact and other forms of non-verbal communication.  Maintain an air of openness in your body language, smile, nod your head, and emit an occasional “um-hmm”.  These actions can be extremely helpful in improving communication and building rewarding relationships.

Prepare to start 2015 off on the ‘right’ foot and engage your right brain to establish new habits towards improved health, greater balance and satisfaction in life!  Two brand new evening seminars are now available at the Coquitlam campus of Douglas College:

Mindfulness: Manage Stress and Increase Your Sense of Inner Peace  It is a known fact that stress compromises our health and immune system.  In a world that relies heavily on external remedies and medicine, it is reassuring to know that we can enhance our own physical health and emotional wellbeing by adopting a certain state of mind.  Journey into the gifts of mindfulness and discover the fundamentals of practice that literally transforms your life from the inside out.  Learn effective strategies for managing stress and experience a powerfully effective and simple meditation that can be easily incorporated into your daily life.  Your path to inner peace starts here!      Weds., Jan. 21, 2015    6:30 – 8:30 pm    

A Symphony of the Mind: Elevate your Consciousness for a Happy, Healthy Life   Happiness and health go hand in hand.  The degree of success you experience in each of these areas depends largely on your ability to balance both your inner and outer worlds.  Your inner world, comprised of spirit and emotional energy, thrives on right brain thinking and creative thought processes while your outer world requires left brain thinking and rational thought processes.  A symphony of the mind is necessary to achieve a happy and healthy life.  Join engaging discussions to discover essential ingredients for mastering the art of living well.  Just as a conductor orchestrates a magnificent overture, you too can command your mind to create a grand symphony.   Weds., Feb. 4, 2015     6:30 – 8:30 pm

Location: Douglas College, David Lam Campus, 1250 Pinetree Way, Coquitlam, B.C.   Room #C1002  (in new Health Sciences Wing)

Register before Jan 1, 2015 for discount:  $50+GST/2 seminars or after Jan 1, 2015   $30+GST/seminar

Click here to register for Mindfulness/Stress

Click here to register for Symphony of the Mind

Listening is an art that can be surprisingly difficult.  How often have you caught yourself wandering off in distraction while another person is speaking to you?  For example, you might have drifted off into problem solving, planning for the next day, or even daydreaming.  Listening becomes even more difficult when the environment is filled with noise and activities.  Overwhelming sensory stimuli hinders our ability to receive information clearly and accurately.  This can be detrimental especially if the information being conveyed is important.

Mindfulness is key when it comes to effective listening.  Mindfulness helps you to stay in the present moment and bring full awareness to what the other person is saying.  In the next few weeks,  you will find tips for practicing mindfulness while developing the art of listening.  The benefits are profound since the better your listening skills, the better others will listen to you as well.

Relationships have a life of their own.  Relationships are cyclical and never static, with times of ease and times of struggle, times of closeness and distance, times of growth and repose.  Some relationships last a few days, weeks, months or years while others last our entire lifetime. The practice of mindfulness brings awareness to the quality of all of our relationships as we grow through life.

Mindfulness allows us to be present and cultivate life enhancing relationships. Perhaps some relationships require serious conversations to evolve them while some are long past their ‘best before date’. Respect the life of relationships. Honour yourself and others with intentions of highest good. Have the courage to end those relationships where life enhancing energy no longer exists.