Patterns of thinking and perceptions create images.  When meeting someone for the first or hundredth time, the mind automatically looks for patterns to fit into models that already exists in your mind.  For example, someone may remind you of a past supervisor who was demanding and critical.  By making this subconscious connection, you may automatically adopt a negative filter and when difficulty arises, you fall back to old negative assumptions and preconceived ideas about the person.

Mindfulness helps you to see these automatic filters and choose a different path.  Mindfulness holds space for an open and curious mindset.  When we embrace an open mind, we become more able to see wholeness in others.

Do you enjoy great conversations in a relaxing atmosphere?

S.M.A.R.T. Cafe has arrived in Port Moody, with professionally led small group discussions on the topic of optimal wellness.  These one hour sessions offers valuable insights for managing stress, aging well, enhancing vitality and maintaining balance in life!

S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym, highlighting:  Stimulating conversations embracing a Mindful approach, Authentic connections and Realistic strategies for Transformative results!

Drop-In Wednesday mornings, from Feb 18 – March 25 inclusive, for a morning of fun, inspiration and real-time connection!  Meet you at 11:00 am at the Gallery Bistro, 2411 Clarke Street, Port Moody, B.C. (next to Jolly Ole Bookstore).  Registration is not required!  These sessions run until 12:15, allowing 15 minutes to purchase a beverage and settle in. For a limited time only, these sessions are specially priced at only $10/person or by donation.

Wholeness is achieved through non-judgemental acceptance.  Everyone has mental filters that automatically sort incoming information into familiar ‘files’ in the mind.  When you become aware of this automatic filtering, you can focus on redirecting automatic assumptions to mindful contact.

Embrace an open, neutral mindset and choose to focus on understanding and accepting others.  With practice, you can strengthen your capacity to avert automatic assumptions, override old habits and perceptions of others.  The benefits of doing this allows you to be fully open to the relationship in the present moment and see others more clearly for who they truly are.

Wholeness is a process.  Continuing from the scenario described in the last post with the example of anger arising within, healing may also include a conversation with the person who triggered the hurt.  When the time is right and you feel ready to address the situation, you may decide to say something like: “When we last spoke, I found your tone and choice of words condescending.  I feel hurt and rejected.  Would you be willing to try to be more tactful in future conversations?”  By giving yourself a voice and honoring your truth, you free yourself to step out from the shadow of hurt and move into healing light.

If speaking directly to the other person is not an option for whatever reason, then you may choose to write a letter without sending it, or journal your experience through stream of conscious writing.  In both cases, it may be necessary to ensure these papers are properly disposed of without risking future harm.  These are powerful tools for safely expressing yourself in an open and honest way while releasing pent-up emotions.  When you honour your truths, you step onto the path to wholeness.

The path to wholeness is a journey of reconnection.  We must reconnect with disowned and suppressed parts of ourselves, including our shadow self.  These are parts that have been hurt and hold painful emotions.  We must allow the pain to surface, hear its message and respond to it in a healthy way.

For instance if anger arises when another person speaks to you in a condescending tone, recognize your hurt and honour the pain triggered within you.  See this as an opportunity to consciously free yourself.  In this moment of mindful awareness, you may choose to remove yourself to process your hurt.  You may decide to focus on your breath and calm yourself before doing anything else.  As your thoughts and body sensations settle, you may be drawn to emotional release through crying, reaching out to a support person, taking time for self-care.  This is essential for releasing pain stored within and freeing yourself on the path to wholeness.

Mindfulness is key to achieving wholeness.  The path to wholeness involves loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, including those we may have disowned or suppressed.  Many of us have disowned parts of ourselves due to early conditioning.  Parents, teachers and culture shaped us in profound ways, altering our image of our true selves.

For instance, if you were taught to always be strong and never show your vulnerability, you may feel inadequate and frequently experience self-doubt.  In reality, there is nothing wrong with you.  Mindfulness shines the light on discrepancies such as this and reveals truths about your whole authentic self.

Open yourself to listening fully and a graceful merging occurs.  You and I become ‘we’ and ‘us’.  Conversations take on a friendly and harmonious tone.  Bonds are strengthened, trust is built, and peace prevails.

Connecting with others at a higher level reminds us of our similarities, despite outward differences.  With common ground, we stand united.  There is no separation or judgement, only unconditional love, compassion and acceptance for one another.  Open your mind to other perspectives. Let go of old habits, needing to be right or to express your point of view.  Walk gracefully in life and listen with all of your heart.

“Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you.” – Alan Alda

Mindful listening is key to building good relationships with others.  Listening within is equally important when it comes to building a good relationship with yourself.  This may sound odd but it is vital to your self-confidence, self-esteem and creative problem solving abilities.  Tune in regularly to your higher self and listen for important messages within.

Connect with your higher self through meditation.  Begin by calming your active mind and focusing your attention on breath.  Allow the chatter within to settle naturally.  Once your mind is still, your higher self can be heard.  This may come in the form of a thought, sensation or image.  In that moment, consider the one best thing you can do for yourself.  For instance, if you are stuck in indecision and your higher self reveals the need for a break, you may decide to stop what you are doing and go outside for a walk.  Listening within makes all the difference between living and living well!  Make 2015 the year of living well … with an exclamation mark!

Mindful listening involves a high level of awareness. Once you are grounded and attending to the speaker, hold awareness of your internal experiences without losing connection to the other person.  Your internal experiences include your body sensations, emotions, and thoughts.  Pay particular attention to when your mind begins to wander or you feel the urge to interject your thoughts or ideas.  Simply observe what you are experiencing and maintain attention to the act of listening.

Once the speaker has stopped, this is your opportunity to deepen your listening by providing your interpretation of what you heard.  Paraphrasing is an effective tool for this as it precludes personal biases and beliefs.  Using your own words, repeat what you heard and saw.  Take into consideration any non-verbal cues, facial expressions and tones you picked up on.  Attempting to understand another is the key to rapport building and one of the greatest gifts we can give.

Mindful listening begins with grounding yourself.  Take a few moments to focus on your breath and allow your mind to transition to receiving new information.  Quietly set an intention for yourself to simply listen without commenting, problem solving, or interrupting.  If possible, indicate your attention by using eye contact and other forms of non-verbal communication.  Maintain an air of openness in your body language, smile, nod your head, and emit an occasional “um-hmm”.  These actions can be extremely helpful in improving communication and building rewarding relationships.