Expand your awareness embracing the perception that you are not alone when experiencing shame or triggering shame in another. Remember that shame is a feeling that passes through you just as all other emotions do when you are open to acknowledging them and releasing them. Remember always that you are human and that all humans have lessons to learn through relationships. Be humble, honouring yourself and others! Holding the big picture is essential for moving forward in life!
Support networks are precious resources during troubling times. Create your own support network for when shame is triggered. Make a list of friends and allies who are able to commit to being available for you, who hold a tender, kind and compassionate heart and ideally have a healthy sense of humour. Allow your pain to diminish in the moment of your sharing. It is hugely beneficial to ease shame in a timely way and even come to a place of greater wisdom and wit, seeing the foibles of humanity!
Stay positive! Maintain positive energy when others make shaming remarks or comments towards you. For instance, if someone says the meal you made was not as good as last time, you could share your truth and agree if you feel it is so or you could state it seems the same to you. By responding mindfully in the moment with integrity, you will ease old patterns of shame and elevate your confidence and contentment in life!
Imagine yourself being being confident and peaceful in situations that triggered shame in the past. Imagine holding a strong desire for mutual respect, honouring both yourself and the other person. You might say to that person: “Something doesn’t feel right about this conversation. Could you tell me what you mean?” or “I’m bewildered by what you just said. Can you share what your intentions are?” or “I’m feeling hurt right now and need to leave. I’d like to connect later and continue this conversation. Are you okay with that?” Standing up for yourself and initiating change is an empowering technique that helps to release shame.
Shame is an ever depleting emotion that triggers a lot of anxiety. Whenever worry about judgements emerge and you try to counteract it, inner combat arises and can be the prevailing energy within. The third lesson for dissolving shame is to think about what you can do for yourself that will help forward movement in life. Perhaps it is standing up for yourself and expressing your truth honestly. Ask for what you need. Develop your true self in transformative moments like these!
Shame is often derived from early childhood experiences. Many people feel the effects of shame from discrimination, poverty and racism. Rectify past issues by embracing the second important lesson for releasing shame:
Say to yourself, “I am not my shame.” Mindfully work towards freeing yourself from limiting thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you in life. Believe that you are much more than any emotion that arises within you.
Shame is a troublesome feeling that blocks progression in relationships. It often evokes silence and in order to free self from this entangled emotion, it is vital to explore inner responses, thoughts, beliefs and stories you may hold from the past.
For instance, if someone from the past frequently criticized you, shame can be instantly triggered today when anyone implies similar judgements. When this happens, you relive the past and fall into your wounded inner child state. Your reaction may be wanting to hide, retaliate or self punish. As a result, you may find yourself stuck in this emotion for years until you are ready to learn key lessons.
The first lesson is to name it and observe it. You might say to yourself “Here is the feeling of shame again. What happened and what did I say to myself to evoke its disempowering energy?” Any thoughts involving victimhood, self-doubt and criticism are key insights for self-healing and transformation.
Shift your awareness! Instead of looking at ‘who’ triggers conflict and perceived differences between you and others, consider ‘what’ triggers these challenges. What lies within you is always mirrored by others. Therefore if criticism or toxic energies enter your environment and you suddenly feel depleted, it is likely there is still some negative energy blocked within self.
Make space to heal unresolved wounds from past. Once you have released them, you will naturally bolster your inner strength and confidence, and experience greater oneness with all. Peace, harmony, compassion and unconditional love will be prevalent in your daily life!
Self deception is a large block to realizing oneness in life. If you hide your authentic self from others, worrying that they will judge or criticize you, oneness will never be realized. We all need to bring our true essence to the moment without masks that maintain a false sense of safety. Take baby steps and trust that all will unfold as it is meant to. When you reveal truths about yourself in the moment, oneness is more likely to happen and become your new reality!
Be honest with yourself when it comes to projecting your thoughts onto others. For instance, you may say to yourself “She really needs my help” or “He’s got so much more potential” and really believe this is true. But in reality, thoughts like these maintains a false sense of hope within, wishing the other person will truly get better. Know that no single person can create specific outcomes in any relationship. There are no guarantees the other person will improve to the level you hope for.
All relationships evolve in a naturally dynamic way with both parties contributing to something greater, something unknown and mysterious between the two of them. Living in the mystery with an open heart is the path of oneness and it is more likely to happen when there are no expectations or controlling energies surrounding them.